Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
