He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
