you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
