dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
