Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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