The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
