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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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