Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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