as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
