I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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