Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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