I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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