There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
