Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
