i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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