He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
