Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
