am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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