her facebook's as public as her vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
