I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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