the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
