He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
