the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
