I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
