Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
