My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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