its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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