dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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