He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
