yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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