you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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