i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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