Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
