girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize