just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
