Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
