you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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