So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this will be a night to untag.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
