Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
