I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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