Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
