in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
