I'm really into asian looking animals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
