i would punch a child for taco bell
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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