the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
