Your dad touched me again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
