Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
