Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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