this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
