Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
