i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
